Archive | August 2014

I Am The Good Wolf

This has been a wonderful weekend for me with many things going on in the city. I awoke much too early and my mind was a bit flooded with images and thoughts of all that has gone on this weekend, but this is not bad. I sent out some thank you notes, did a little casual web surfing, and updated some information on a profile. I am feeling renewed and realizing a sense of my former peaceful self again.

The weekend started out with an invitation from my leather sister and her Daddy to a birthday karaoke party. So, Friday evening found three introverts and one Build-a-Bunny on the way to midtown NYC. None of us even remotely have any singing talent. All went well though since it seems the rest of the crew did and they were contented to permit me and my little sister to be their attentive audience. We just sat and had our cocktails, ate the food snacks, and smiled a lot. There was all kinds of dancing, and singing, and moving to the grooving… umm ya… and someone drank a bit too much and was doing “the robot”. Not me! What the world decade is that from?! The bestest part were the cupcakes. Birthday boy had four dozen cupcakes with rum shots. We snuck the cupcakes outside and ate them on the sidewalk. It was a very messy deal. We devoured the cupcakes, walked past Bryant Park and took a train home. I sat alone opposite my friends on the train and tried to stay awake and fight off that twilight sleep. I almost make it to their home and I fall asleep one stop before ours. Me+alcohol=sleep fast. I was gently woken by a soft hand rubbing my cheek. That made me happy. 😀 Continue reading

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Falling Down Into The Rabbit Hole

I went into Build-A-Bear for the first time ever two days ago, on my birthday. There was a black bear at the entrance area and I started to cry. It was the bear I had always wished you would get me. The one you made me feel that I was never worthy enough to receive.

My little sister Jade stayed by my side and told me we would get sister bears and she quickly picked out a NYC bear. She told me this is the only place you can get one of these, they are unique to the NYC store. She repeated that we were going to get sister bears now and it was okay, she would stay with me as long as it took for me to find just the right bear. I promised to try to keep an open mind. I looked and looked and I couldn’t choose anything. My sister was patient, she said, “It’s okay, we will keep looking and you will know it’s the right one, when you feel that bond.” All around me were little uniforms, military, police, and hero outfits. This made me sad, but I tried to hide it. Time passed and I still could not commit, nothing felt right. I couldn’t bond to anything. Continue reading

My Credo

The is my personal Credo that I started writing in 2009. This version is was written for the year 2011. So here you go. I am sharing and recycling this old post and hoping you find it uplifting in some small way.

December 12, 2010 by karida

This year is coming to an end. It’s the best year I have had in a long time. I took risks, I grew emotionally and intellectually. I know I can love again. I can dream again. I can hope again. I haven’t found the right balance, but I can love and lose, laugh and cry, and still be happy even when the ending isn’t the one I wished for. So here is 2011’s updated credo.

This is my Credo*. It’s a personal inventory of what I believe, how I feel, and things that have internal meaning to me today. My fundamental beliefs and guiding principles. Now & then, as time passes, I will add, adapt, or delete parts of My Credo. Continue reading

The Power of Vulnerability

I watched this video a couple of years ago and it had a huge impact on me. I had an awakening. I thought, “Holy crap, that’s me…”  I remember in 2009 I decided to start writing a Credo.  When I look back at my Credo I see a lot of whole heartedness.  I live with an open heart and I believe my vulnerability is beautiful. It is so important to me, that even when I am hurt by those I gave my love to, that I refuse to stop risking. My ability to remain vulnerable is at the core of who I am and where my happiness, joy, and creativity flourishes from. I discovered this TED talk after I had begun to identify within the BDSM culture as a girl. I hope others, and specifically girls and their Daddies, find this video as interesting and valuable as I did.

Sacred Trust: The Responsibilities of Master and slave

…is the topic for this Sunday, August 3, 2014 MAsT (Masters And slaves Together) Metro NY meeting. The timing of the topic is perfect for me, because I am in the midst of looking at and defining what it is that I want from a relationship and Trust was number one on the list. I believe trust is a basic tenant of any healthy relationship. I feel that within power and authority based relationship that need for trust becomes intensified exponentially. As a girl, when I enter a hierarchical relationship, I am giving a person my trust and access what makes me most vulnerable. Opening oneself up, making oneself vulnerable, turning over your power to another, following obediently takes immense trust. A misuse of that trust has the potential to do great harm. Trust is sacred.

A quick disclaimer: I am not a slave. I do seek a hierarchical relationship, so since this are my thoughts about the topic tomorrow. I will use the M/s and O/p terminology for simplicity sake. I mention this, because there is an enormous difference between a slave and a girl within the BDSM culture. I do think a girl can fit into an M/s household if the Master finds purpose to have such a person belong. Okay, now some more thoughts on the topic… Continue reading