Archive | September 2014


JournalingIt’s not uncommon in power or authority exchange relationships for the dominant person to require the submissive partner to keep a journal. There is no one way, standard, or set of rules for keeping a journal. The most common types I have heard of are the old fashion paper bound style and online style. Most commonly the dominant partner has access to reading the journal, but a rare few tell their charges that the journal is solely for them and that the dominant will not be reading it. Just as the style of journal keeping varies, so does the intent and purpose of its existence. Continue reading


Leather & Unity

Sir Raven and jade with an image of Sir Raven avec leather chaps in the background (flagging black on the left!)

Sir Raven and jade with an image of Sir Raven avec leather chaps in the background (flagging black on the left!)

The words leather and community and their meaning are a source of constant conversation in our subculture. Yesterday, in NYC there were many BDSM events happening throughout the day. Sometimes in a city as big, fast, and kinky as NYC it is difficult to choose. With very little pushing and pleading I managed to get Sir Raven and my leather sister jade to come to CCreaneImages, one night only exhibit of her work, Leather Women’s Photographic Documentary; and then to take a quick jaunt over to the annual Unity Munch. When I think about what leather and community mean to me it made it obvious where my priorities had to be and I wake up this morning knowing I made the right choices. There have been recent times when I thought to go off and move away from my leather roots and thankfully moments like last night with C. Creane and my leather family brings me back and reminds me I am right where I belong.

Jade with "Karida, New York 2014, Leather girl, Bootblack" in background,

Jade with “Karida, New York 2014, Leather girl, Bootblack” in background,

Last night at the Leather Women’s exhibit, on the lower right corner, next to an image was a small tag that said,


New York 2014

Leather girl


Too many times to count people have asked me what it means to be leather. There is always the disclaimer about “you will get as many different answered as the number of people you ask.” How I feel my leather, how I show my leather, how I share my leather is as unique as I am. Continue reading

Power Exchange Contests and Titles

A friend recently asked these questions of me and I thought they deserved a thoughtful reply. He was prompted to ask after I congratulated the recent Florida Power Exchange’s 2014 contest winners on their new title. The FPE is a feeder contest into the International Power Exchange contest held at Beyond Leather in south Florida. I am a past IPE title holder.

Karida –

I’m curious what your view is toward these power exchange competitions. Can anyone outside a relationship ever really know what goes on inside of it? What does it even mean to award a title to a relationship? To me, frankly, when I first heard of this competition, I could not understand it and still have trouble with the concept.

Just wondering, now that you’ve been through it all and held the title, what you think of this competition.

Dear friend,

I don’t believe anyone can really ever know what goes on inside a relationship other than the people inside the relationship. Continue reading

What do you do in the meantime?

Reading, reading, and more reading, yea!

Reading, reading, and more reading, yea!

I’ve been reading Partners in Power by Jack Rinella for tomorrow’s Leatherfirst NYC book discussion and it has given me some thoughts about this past months MAsT meeting on the topic, “Masters without slaves, slaves without Masters: What do you do in the meantime?” If I had read this book before that meeting I would have remembered what I did before my most recent relationship and realized that in some ways it is what I am doing again, since I find myself single. Continue reading

Meeting Ms. Davis

One of the nice things about being a single girl again is getting to do things I have been curious about, but was not permitted to do while in a hierarchical relationship. New York has so many things going on every week and month and this past Sunday I scratched off one curiosity from my bucket list. I attended a NY spanking party. Yes, I finally got to meet the legendary Ms. Margaret Davis…schoolgirl

I woke up early Sunday morning and remembered that a Spanking Club of New York (SCONY) party was going to be happening this month, so I logged into FetLife (FL) to check the events page. I discovered that the party was that day at 1pm. I vacillated for a little bit then told myself, “carpe diem.” I have no idea sometimes if I will be in NY for another month and I didn’t want to miss a chance and later feel regret. As an introvert, sometimes it takes a great deal of self-talk, to get my butt out of the house to social events. I got out of my comfort zone, and committed myself by messaging Ms. Davis to give her my RSVP. I let her know I was introverted and that this was my first party. Sending the RSVP with the message helped me feel committed to follow through on attending. I already had it in my mind that I would only be going to check out the party and meet people, not play. I dressed in a pleated crisp black skirt and a white collared long sleeved freshly pressed shirt, matching black & white hounds tooth knee highs, and black patent leather penny loafers. I was nervous and excited. Continue reading

The Pencil

broken pencil

broken pencil

I was heading out to meet with an acquaintance, at Utopia Restaurant a few days ago and I wanted to bring a pen and paper to take notes. I found a notebook and tossed it in my bag, then began to search for my special LLC (Leather Leadership Conference) pen. My pen was not in the usual location and so I started searching throughout my bag to see if I could find something else to use in the meantime. I searched and searched and was rather put out that I didn’t have one other writing instrument in my bag. It’s really an uncommon event to happen. Persistently, I began to dig again and then I felt something. No, I felt some things. I stopped using my hand to look inside blindly and used my eyes to examine what I was touching. What I was holding was the broken pencil that Master Fire Ma’am had given to me at MsC (Master slave Conference). Thoughts of this pencil have been weaving in and out of my conscious stream ever since.

I got this pencil from Master Fire Ma’am at a class I attended about breaking down barriers & social constructs around the phrases “I’m sorry” “Please” and “Thank you.” When Master Fire handed me the pencil I was happy. I like pencils, and well, it was from her 🙂 I thought, “What an awesome class, we get presents.” 😀 Then Master Fire says, “In a moment I am going to ask each of you to break your pencils.” I’m sure that upon hearing this news, I gasped loudly. She stopped and noted the various reactions to her statement and then had us think about our reactions and asked why we did react the way we did. I like writing, so I have positive associations to this item and it has value to me. I am a bit old fashion and sometimes I miss the days of written letters, notes, and good penmanship.  It troubled me and upset me greatly the idea of breaking this pencil. It seemed like a wrong thing to do and made me feel sad. I didn’t want to do that! One by one we each had to break our pencils. She chose an emotion and when a person felt that they could demonstrate that emotion while breaking their pencil they had to stand up in the class and let the rest of the people see what that looks like. Master Fire then went on to ask us how we thought we could repair our broken pencil and that was followed by a talk about throwing it away. My response was to repair it by sharpening it, and Master Fire pointed out that in my solution I focused on sharpening only one half, and it was the half that had the eraser. Throwing it away was not something I felt comfortable with. As you have hopefully figured out there are a lot of ways that these exercises helped us to reflect about how we deal with relationships.

No longer broken

No longer broken

I was shocked to see that after all this time I was still walking around with my pencil. I wondered what it symbolized that I was still holding on to it and that it was not repaired? I write to Master Fire Ma’am and ask her if she had told us to throw away the pencil? I honestly couldn’t remember. I told MFM that I felt it was important to fix the pencil and that I had some plans outside the house that day and the first thing I meant to do was to stop and buy a pencil sharpener. I added that not only did I plan to sharpen the half with the eraser, but that I was also going to sharpen the other end that did not have an eraser. And that I felt that even though the other half was not as useful as the one with the eraser it still had value.

Master Fire Ma’am explained some things to me and ended her reply whimsically by saying,

“As for the other half of the pencil, perhaps it’s meant to be shared. We bet your bunny would love to chew on it. 😉 “

Ginger's chew toy :D

Ginger’s chew toy 😀

A Hero That Has Let You Down (letter)

[Writing prompt; 30 Days of Truth, Day 14; “A Hero That Has Let You Down” (letter) ]

I struggled with writing my truth. I am sure it has been over a week. I started and started and then started again.  This was so difficult, because one thing that is important to me in my writing is that I tell my story and that I write about me. Too often, some of the most “loved” and “popular” writings are from people saying a whole lot of nothing about people other than themselves. I realize my writings may never be the most loved or popular, but that is not my goal. What I am striving towards is authenticity. Then while doing a little research, I had an epiphany, that made me understand why I kept discarding my writings.  I think this is worth sharing openly, because that is my nature. Open…

This is the hardest letter I have ever written.

To the Hero who let me down,

This is what I have learned today: Continue reading