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Happiness is…

that moment you discover you are a priority in her life and not an option.hersnmine

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Nice Guys Finish First

In my past I have been drawn in to relationships mostly by persons who fall into the bad boy, rebel, adventurer personalities, and nice guys did not fare so well in gaining my attention as a romantic interest. I am sure many people can relate to hearing or saying the words. “I like you. You’re really nice…” and knowing that is the code for letting a person know they are friendship material. It’s kind of the kiss of death for romantic interests when a person hears that. The other week I said these words to someone, yet it was the first time I caught myself saying it and knowing that it did not mean that at all. For once I am looking for nice. Nice is under rated. I could really use someone nice in my life. I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I am doing something new. This time around nice guys finish first. Continue reading

My Credo 2015

The clock will turn at midnight and we will have a New Year.   I’ve heard it said that some men use “The Godfather” as the Magic 8 ball to answer all of life’s questions. My girlish counterpart to that is “When Harry Met Sally”. Here I find comfort, joy, laughter, and odd Magic 8 Ball solutions to some of life’s questions. Its New Year’s Eve and along with My Credo. I’d like to share this little New Year’s clip from my favorite movie

This is my Credo. It’s a personal inventory of what I believe, how I feel, and things that have internal meaning to me today. My fundamental beliefs and guiding principles. I started writing a yearly Credo in 2009. Now & then, as time passed, I added, adapted, or deleted parts of My Credo. Here is my 2015 revision…

I believe in love.

I believe love is wishing others happiness. To everyone I was once very close to and feels that maybe I left them behind, I want them to know that although we have gone down different paths, in my heart I wish you happiness. I still love you all, just differently.

I believe I can love, I can lose love, and still want to risk doing it again.

I believe in the power of vulnerability. That my vulnerability is beautiful.

I believe in the power of laughter. Surrounding myself with joy.

I believe in smiling every day and being a source of positive energy.

I believe in living courageously. Being whole hearted. Continue reading

Fridates

The last month or more I have been having steady Fridates with one of my leather sisters Stacey la Tejena. Fridays are for me what Saturdays are for most other people and Saturday mornings are my Sundays. Pretty much my social life is one day behind the norm. I haven’t been part of the majority in many areas of my life for years, so that I find myself one day behind the rest of the social world is not too bad hehe. One of the things I have enjoyed about being single in the city is that I have been able to cross a lot of my want to do things off my bucket list. I’m not a native New Yorker, so I find a lot of joy in catching some of the traditional touristy sites and adventures. I am kinky and so that sometimes includes things on my list that an everyday NY tourist might not have on the list, but generally kinky people are just like everyone else with some added twists.

Last week was Black Friday here in the US and I spent it in rather unconventional ways. I haven’t gone out on Black Friday in years, maybe, quite seriously, decades. I have an aversion to large, tight, aggressive crowds and there is no saving amount that can get me to intentionally put myself through that psychological discomfort to buy material items. Also I kind of have a thing against conforming to buying gift on preset commercially assigned dates of the calendar. I am not against buying gifts at all, I just do not feel I need to wait until an assigned giving date that society has predetermined for me. So, I was invited by Stacy girl to go out to Connecticut for the weekend to visit with her former Dom J. Stacy and I hopped on the Metro North line and for $5.50 found ourselves in Stamford, Ct and waiting at the station to be picked up by J. We were promptly collected at the station and whisked away to his new home that I must say he has done an outstanding job of organizing and even managed to not make it look too much like a man cave! Truly it is a very nice and comfy apartment. J made a day bed into a sofa and I was telling jade that it is awesome! It’s like a big play pen. Continue reading

A Kinky Girl Dating Vanilla

I have decided to try dating and to allow vanilla people into my acceptable parameters. This must sound so crazy to my close friends, because in all seriousness I don’t see any future for me long term with anyone who isn’t interested in a 24/7 hierarchical relationship. Other than my co-workers I don’t have any vanilla acquaintances. Simply put, I plan to date people for companionship until I am ready or stumble across someone for a serious relationship. So, my kinky friend Jenny tells me to try OKCupid. After a couple of weeks and her telling me “You can find kinky guys on there!” I have taken the plunge. She is right they do have a matching set up that fits for kinky people. They actually have a question about being in a Master/slave relationship… and many others including topics of bondage, power & control, D/s and more. I am kind of wowed. So, I am not really sure if I am dating vanilla yet or not, but it seems that way and that is really WEIRD to me! I guess I am in a middle zone of not being able to imagine a relationship without D/s and still wanting companionship.

I have to accept that I am open, honest, and trustworthy, but that not all people are. Admitting, that I have been naïve at times. I am what I say I am. When it comes to my submission, I need to trust and respect you. I do not function in life in a submissive or slave mode. Just because a person identifies as dominant and I may respect them, doesn’t mean I go into default sub/slave mode. I must connect with the person and even then I must be inspired and continue to feel inspired to give my submission. Earn my trust, keep my trust, then I will be what I say I am and I will do as you say to do without question. That is why being my dominant is hard work. As I must earn my place in a household, so must the person who wishes to master me earn their right of authority. My submission is something earned and something one must continue to earn and be worthy of. I have learned that lesson at a great expense.

So, yes, I am dating vanilla. It’s companionship and it’s simple. It’s not for keeps though. It’s more for the moment. I suspect the moment may be brief and extremely short lived. It’s a step at entering back into the social world and I deserve some light hearted moments. My heart needs a little rest. God help the vanillas, here I come!