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Parades, Carousels, and Birthdays, Oh My!

20150619_122736What an incredible month in the city with Folsom Street East, The Coney Island Mermaid Parade, carousel hunting, and spending birthdays and happy moments with those close to me. All this and I moved, yet again, but still in “Brooklyn Center of the Universe”! I can’t recall how many times this month I thought about the idea that I really am finally having my NY Adventure that I imagined when I first agreed to move here. The adventures I am having though are nothing like what I planned and neither are my adventures really what I had originally imagined, but life is beautiful that way; it is so unexpected, full of twists and turns, and we adapt and grow in the process. I am more of myself than ever before and that is a beautiful thing.  Continue reading

Reflections: A Year, A Month, & A Day

kaizen I’m at Fort Lauderdale airport in Florida and winding down from my first vacation in over three years. Over the weekend I have had time to relax and to reflect on the path I found myself traveling this past year. I’m goal oriented and over the years I have often looked at my life and made immediate, short term, and long term goals. You can write these things down or just think on them, but sometimes you can find yourself in places you never imagined and that goes for good and bad. The one thing you can count on as a constant is change. A year and a day ago I was someone fragile and struggling to find my way through darkness. I moved onto my own apartment in Brooklyn. It was a very hard time for me, but looking back and seeing my growth I am very proud of myself. Continue reading

My Daddy Issues

It’s not uncommon to see discussions of adult women who engage in Daddy/girl relationships having “Daddy Issues” negatively affecting their dynamic. That the women bring in baggage. I think this absolutely can be true.

butchsightingsOne day I was sitting down, talking to a butch Daddy, about an online discussion on the topic of “Daddy Issues” among some women who participate in D/g relationship. I am sure some women and men for that matter, do have some “Daddy issues” that may adversely affect their relationships, but I am also sure many do not. I’ve never felt confused or unclear about my feelings for my father and the feelings and desire to seek D/lg as my relationship dynamic. I’ve always felt my desire for this dynamic has come from a healthy place. I believe it is heavily in part, due to this self-awareness and ability to explain why I chose this dynamic, that I earned my IPE title. And so this is how one night, Sir Raven found herself sitting quietly across from me and listened as I went on to talk about my Dad as I described him, my relationship with him, and about my family… Continue reading

The Frog in the Well

Frog in Dark WellI moved to the US when I was a small child, Spanish was my first language, and English was my second. A part of the English language I have never mastered is idioms, phrases, and expressions. A week before the New Year was coming about, I was having a helluva day and as tough as it was, what I thought was “Two steps forward, one step back.” I stopped and thought to myself, “Is that the right way to say it?” I believe the more common expression is, “One step forward, two steps back.” The former us dealing with the story of a frog trying to get out of a well and the later more well known as being used by Lenin in his work “The Crisis in Our Party”. The day I was having a week or so ago, as bad as it was, I still felt that overall my life was moving in the right direction and that I was making progress like the frog in the well. Life is sometimes about getting up, brushing our dirty knees off, and taking those small steps.

I’ve got a lot of good things happening in my life. I have a new job with good benefits, where I am treated with respect and valued, I have a new home and regained privacy, and I have my family and friends who love me and support and encourage me during hard times. The first time in over three years I had both of my daughters with me at the same time and we spent the entire last week of December exploring New York City together. Some people talk about family, biological and chosen, and too often there is the either/or and not both. Worse is that there are some people who have neither, but hold onto a façade.  I think how sad it is that a person has to create a false truth surrounding their family, biological or other. It is when I think of this that I feel so deeply and see so clearly how very much I have to be grateful for in my life right now. I hear my leather sister’s voice and it says, “You have to make space in your life for good to happen.” It’s not always easy, but I do it anyway. I’ve been taking steps forward. Continue reading

My Credo 2015

The clock will turn at midnight and we will have a New Year.   I’ve heard it said that some men use “The Godfather” as the Magic 8 ball to answer all of life’s questions. My girlish counterpart to that is “When Harry Met Sally”. Here I find comfort, joy, laughter, and odd Magic 8 Ball solutions to some of life’s questions. Its New Year’s Eve and along with My Credo. I’d like to share this little New Year’s clip from my favorite movie

This is my Credo. It’s a personal inventory of what I believe, how I feel, and things that have internal meaning to me today. My fundamental beliefs and guiding principles. I started writing a yearly Credo in 2009. Now & then, as time passed, I added, adapted, or deleted parts of My Credo. Here is my 2015 revision…

I believe in love.

I believe love is wishing others happiness. To everyone I was once very close to and feels that maybe I left them behind, I want them to know that although we have gone down different paths, in my heart I wish you happiness. I still love you all, just differently.

I believe I can love, I can lose love, and still want to risk doing it again.

I believe in the power of vulnerability. That my vulnerability is beautiful.

I believe in the power of laughter. Surrounding myself with joy.

I believe in smiling every day and being a source of positive energy.

I believe in living courageously. Being whole hearted. Continue reading

Leather & Unity

Sir Raven and jade with an image of Sir Raven avec leather chaps in the background (flagging black on the left!)

Sir Raven and jade with an image of Sir Raven avec leather chaps in the background (flagging black on the left!)

The words leather and community and their meaning are a source of constant conversation in our subculture. Yesterday, in NYC there were many BDSM events happening throughout the day. Sometimes in a city as big, fast, and kinky as NYC it is difficult to choose. With very little pushing and pleading I managed to get Sir Raven and my leather sister jade to come to CCreaneImages, one night only exhibit of her work, Leather Women’s Photographic Documentary; and then to take a quick jaunt over to the annual Unity Munch. When I think about what leather and community mean to me it made it obvious where my priorities had to be and I wake up this morning knowing I made the right choices. There have been recent times when I thought to go off and move away from my leather roots and thankfully moments like last night with C. Creane and my leather family brings me back and reminds me I am right where I belong.

Jade with "Karida, New York 2014, Leather girl, Bootblack" in background,

Jade with “Karida, New York 2014, Leather girl, Bootblack” in background,

Last night at the Leather Women’s exhibit, on the lower right corner, next to an image was a small tag that said,

Karida

New York 2014

Leather girl

Bootblack

Too many times to count people have asked me what it means to be leather. There is always the disclaimer about “you will get as many different answered as the number of people you ask.” How I feel my leather, how I show my leather, how I share my leather is as unique as I am. Continue reading