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Ice Skating

ice skatesWhen I was a little girl, I dreamed of becoming an Olympic Figure Skater. I think I must haven been four years old the first time I skated. I had these little metal skates with double blades that strapped on to my shoes. I’m sure by the time I was in second grade, if not earlier, I was asking for lessons. Figure skating lessons were the one thing my parents couldn’t give me though. The arena where I could get the lessons I needed was too far away and the time parents have to devote to a child that wants to be a serious figure skater is a luxury they did not have to give me. You see, at that time, my father was being treated for cancer. Yet, I was always allowed to stay out at the rink behind my school, even past dark, as often as I wanted to spend my hours skating across the ice. It was my joy, my passion. As I grew older I never stopped skating. I never forgot my dream. Continue reading

My Daddy Issues

It’s not uncommon to see discussions of adult women who engage in Daddy/girl relationships having “Daddy Issues” negatively affecting their dynamic. That the women bring in baggage. I think this absolutely can be true.

butchsightingsOne day I was sitting down, talking to a butch Daddy, about an online discussion on the topic of “Daddy Issues” among some women who participate in D/g relationship. I am sure some women and men for that matter, do have some “Daddy issues” that may adversely affect their relationships, but I am also sure many do not. I’ve never felt confused or unclear about my feelings for my father and the feelings and desire to seek D/lg as my relationship dynamic. I’ve always felt my desire for this dynamic has come from a healthy place. I believe it is heavily in part, due to this self-awareness and ability to explain why I chose this dynamic, that I earned my IPE title. And so this is how one night, Sir Raven found herself sitting quietly across from me and listened as I went on to talk about my Dad as I described him, my relationship with him, and about my family… Continue reading

The Frog in the Well

Frog in Dark WellI moved to the US when I was a small child, Spanish was my first language, and English was my second. A part of the English language I have never mastered is idioms, phrases, and expressions. A week before the New Year was coming about, I was having a helluva day and as tough as it was, what I thought was “Two steps forward, one step back.” I stopped and thought to myself, “Is that the right way to say it?” I believe the more common expression is, “One step forward, two steps back.” The former us dealing with the story of a frog trying to get out of a well and the later more well known as being used by Lenin in his work “The Crisis in Our Party”. The day I was having a week or so ago, as bad as it was, I still felt that overall my life was moving in the right direction and that I was making progress like the frog in the well. Life is sometimes about getting up, brushing our dirty knees off, and taking those small steps.

I’ve got a lot of good things happening in my life. I have a new job with good benefits, where I am treated with respect and valued, I have a new home and regained privacy, and I have my family and friends who love me and support and encourage me during hard times. The first time in over three years I had both of my daughters with me at the same time and we spent the entire last week of December exploring New York City together. Some people talk about family, biological and chosen, and too often there is the either/or and not both. Worse is that there are some people who have neither, but hold onto a façade.  I think how sad it is that a person has to create a false truth surrounding their family, biological or other. It is when I think of this that I feel so deeply and see so clearly how very much I have to be grateful for in my life right now. I hear my leather sister’s voice and it says, “You have to make space in your life for good to happen.” It’s not always easy, but I do it anyway. I’ve been taking steps forward. Continue reading

Fridates

The last month or more I have been having steady Fridates with one of my leather sisters Stacey la Tejena. Fridays are for me what Saturdays are for most other people and Saturday mornings are my Sundays. Pretty much my social life is one day behind the norm. I haven’t been part of the majority in many areas of my life for years, so that I find myself one day behind the rest of the social world is not too bad hehe. One of the things I have enjoyed about being single in the city is that I have been able to cross a lot of my want to do things off my bucket list. I’m not a native New Yorker, so I find a lot of joy in catching some of the traditional touristy sites and adventures. I am kinky and so that sometimes includes things on my list that an everyday NY tourist might not have on the list, but generally kinky people are just like everyone else with some added twists.

Last week was Black Friday here in the US and I spent it in rather unconventional ways. I haven’t gone out on Black Friday in years, maybe, quite seriously, decades. I have an aversion to large, tight, aggressive crowds and there is no saving amount that can get me to intentionally put myself through that psychological discomfort to buy material items. Also I kind of have a thing against conforming to buying gift on preset commercially assigned dates of the calendar. I am not against buying gifts at all, I just do not feel I need to wait until an assigned giving date that society has predetermined for me. So, I was invited by Stacy girl to go out to Connecticut for the weekend to visit with her former Dom J. Stacy and I hopped on the Metro North line and for $5.50 found ourselves in Stamford, Ct and waiting at the station to be picked up by J. We were promptly collected at the station and whisked away to his new home that I must say he has done an outstanding job of organizing and even managed to not make it look too much like a man cave! Truly it is a very nice and comfy apartment. J made a day bed into a sofa and I was telling jade that it is awesome! It’s like a big play pen. Continue reading

Power Exchange Contests and Titles

A friend recently asked these questions of me and I thought they deserved a thoughtful reply. He was prompted to ask after I congratulated the recent Florida Power Exchange’s 2014 contest winners on their new title. The FPE is a feeder contest into the International Power Exchange contest held at Beyond Leather in south Florida. I am a past IPE title holder.

Karida –

I’m curious what your view is toward these power exchange competitions. Can anyone outside a relationship ever really know what goes on inside of it? What does it even mean to award a title to a relationship? To me, frankly, when I first heard of this competition, I could not understand it and still have trouble with the concept.

Just wondering, now that you’ve been through it all and held the title, what you think of this competition.

Dear friend,

I don’t believe anyone can really ever know what goes on inside a relationship other than the people inside the relationship. Continue reading

Falling Down Into The Rabbit Hole

I went into Build-A-Bear for the first time ever two days ago, on my birthday. There was a black bear at the entrance area and I started to cry. It was the bear I had always wished you would get me. The one you made me feel that I was never worthy enough to receive.

My little sister Jade stayed by my side and told me we would get sister bears and she quickly picked out a NYC bear. She told me this is the only place you can get one of these, they are unique to the NYC store. She repeated that we were going to get sister bears now and it was okay, she would stay with me as long as it took for me to find just the right bear. I promised to try to keep an open mind. I looked and looked and I couldn’t choose anything. My sister was patient, she said, “It’s okay, we will keep looking and you will know it’s the right one, when you feel that bond.” All around me were little uniforms, military, police, and hero outfits. This made me sad, but I tried to hide it. Time passed and I still could not commit, nothing felt right. I couldn’t bond to anything. Continue reading