It was disheartening hearing so many times that I’m too much of this, too much of that; or not enough of this , not enough of that. Too opinionated, too independent, too much energy, too talkative, too assertive, too many ideas, too sexual etc. Not submissive enough, not obedient enough, not quiet enough, not respectful enough, and whole bunch of other not enough. I’m so grateful that is the past. Goodbye.
Today I have a Daddy who tells me while laughing and with a smile that I am a handful and that’s why she’s got two hands. She loves that I have a mind and use it. She welcomes my ideas and suggestions. She says I have ”a great memory… maybe too good” at times. I’m encouraged to share my wants and desires. And my Daddy loves to hold me, hold my hand, pet my hair, and show me affection. I know I’m a handful, but she never makes me feel like that’s a bad thing and for that I’m truly grateful. Some times Daddy gets tired and she needs rest. So, I tuck her in and take care of her. We take care of each other. I love her.
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of becoming an Olympic Figure Skater. I think I must haven been four years old the first time I skated. I had these little metal skates with double blades that strapped on to my shoes. I’m sure by the time I was in second grade, if not earlier, I was asking for lessons. Figure skating lessons were the one thing my parents couldn’t give me though. The arena where I could get the lessons I needed was too far away and the time parents have to devote to a child that wants to be a serious figure skater is a luxury they did not have to give me. You see, at that time, my father was being treated for cancer. Yet, I was always allowed to stay out at the rink behind my school, even past dark, as often as I wanted to spend my hours skating across the ice. It was my joy, my passion. As I grew older I never stopped skating. I never forgot my dream. Continue reading →
It’s not uncommon to see discussions of adult women who engage in Daddy/girl relationships having “Daddy Issues” negatively affecting their dynamic. That the women bring in baggage. I think this absolutely can be true.
One day I was sitting down, talking to a butch Daddy, about an online discussion on the topic of “Daddy Issues” among some women who participate in D/g relationship. I am sure some women and men for that matter, do have some “Daddy issues” that may adversely affect their relationships, but I am also sure many do not. I’ve never felt confused or unclear about my feelings for my father and the feelings and desire to seek D/lg as my relationship dynamic. I’ve always felt my desire for this dynamic has come from a healthy place. I believe it is heavily in part, due to this self-awareness and ability to explain why I chose this dynamic, that I earned my IPE title. And so this is how one night, Sir Raven found herself sitting quietly across from me and listened as I went on to talk about my Dad as I described him, my relationship with him, and about my family… Continue reading →
Sir Raven and jade with an image of Sir Raven avec leather chaps in the background (flagging black on the left!)
The words leather and community and their meaning are a source of constant conversation in our subculture. Yesterday, in NYC there were many BDSM events happening throughout the day. Sometimes in a city as big, fast, and kinky as NYC it is difficult to choose. With very little pushing and pleading I managed to get Sir Raven and my leather sister jade to come to CCreaneImages, one night only exhibit of her work, Leather Women’s Photographic Documentary; and then to take a quick jaunt over to the annual Unity Munch. When I think about what leather and community mean to me it made it obvious where my priorities had to be and I wake up this morning knowing I made the right choices. There have been recent times when I thought to go off and move away from my leather roots and thankfully moments like last night with C. Creane and my leather family brings me back and reminds me I am right where I belong.
Jade with “Karida, New York 2014, Leather girl, Bootblack” in background,
Last night at the Leather Women’s exhibit, on the lower right corner, next to an image was a small tag that said,
New York 2014
Too many times to count people have asked me what it means to be leather. There is always the disclaimer about “you will get as many different answered as the number of people you ask.” How I feel my leather, how I show my leather, how I share my leather is as unique as I am. Continue reading →
A friend recently asked these questions of me and I thought they deserved a thoughtful reply. He was prompted to ask after I congratulated the recent Florida Power Exchange’s 2014 contest winners on their new title. The FPE is a feeder contest into the International Power Exchange contest held at Beyond Leather in south Florida. I am a past IPE title holder.
I’m curious what your view is toward these power exchange competitions. Can anyone outside a relationship ever really know what goes on inside of it? What does it even mean to award a title to a relationship? To me, frankly, when I first heard of this competition, I could not understand it and still have trouble with the concept.
Just wondering, now that you’ve been through it all and held the title, what you think of this competition.
I don’t believe anyone can really ever know what goes on inside a relationship other than the people inside the relationship. Continue reading →
This has been a wonderful weekend for me with many things going on in the city. I awoke much too early and my mind was a bit flooded with images and thoughts of all that has gone on this weekend, but this is not bad. I sent out some thank you notes, did a little casual web surfing, and updated some information on a profile. I am feeling renewed and realizing a sense of my former peaceful self again.
The weekend started out with an invitation from my leather sister and her Daddy to a birthday karaoke party. So, Friday evening found three introverts and one Build-a-Bunny on the way to midtown NYC. None of us even remotely have any singing talent. All went well though since it seems the rest of the crew did and they were contented to permit me and my little sister to be their attentive audience. We just sat and had our cocktails, ate the food snacks, and smiled a lot. There was all kinds of dancing, and singing, and moving to the grooving… umm ya… and someone drank a bit too much and was doing “the robot”. Not me! What the world decade is that from?! The bestest part were the cupcakes. Birthday boy had four dozen cupcakes with rum shots. We snuck the cupcakes outside and ate them on the sidewalk. It was a very messy deal. We devoured the cupcakes, walked past Bryant Park and took a train home. I sat alone opposite my friends on the train and tried to stay awake and fight off that twilight sleep. I almost make it to their home and I fall asleep one stop before ours. Me+alcohol=sleep fast. I was gently woken by a soft hand rubbing my cheek. That made me happy. 😀 Continue reading →
I watched this video a couple of years ago and it had a huge impact on me. I had an awakening. I thought, “Holy crap, that’s me…” I remember in 2009 I decided to start writing a Credo. When I look back at my Credo I see a lot of whole heartedness. I live with an open heart and I believe my vulnerability is beautiful. It is so important to me, that even when I am hurt by those I gave my love to, that I refuse to stop risking. My ability to remain vulnerable is at the core of who I am and where my happiness, joy, and creativity flourishes from. I discovered this TED talk after I had begun to identify within the BDSM culture as a girl. I hope others, and specifically girls and their Daddies, find this video as interesting and valuable as I did.