Nice Guys Finish First

In my past I have been drawn in to relationships mostly by persons who fall into the bad boy, rebel, adventurer personalities, and nice guys did not fare so well in gaining my attention as a romantic interest. I am sure many people can relate to hearing or saying the words. “I like you. You’re really nice…” and knowing that is the code for letting a person know they are friendship material. It’s kind of the kiss of death for romantic interests when a person hears that. The other week I said these words to someone, yet it was the first time I caught myself saying it and knowing that it did not mean that at all. For once I am looking for nice. Nice is under rated. I could really use someone nice in my life. I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I am doing something new. This time around nice guys finish first. Continue reading


The Frog in the Well

Frog in Dark WellI moved to the US when I was a small child, Spanish was my first language, and English was my second. A part of the English language I have never mastered is idioms, phrases, and expressions. A week before the New Year was coming about, I was having a helluva day and as tough as it was, what I thought was “Two steps forward, one step back.” I stopped and thought to myself, “Is that the right way to say it?” I believe the more common expression is, “One step forward, two steps back.” The former us dealing with the story of a frog trying to get out of a well and the later more well known as being used by Lenin in his work “The Crisis in Our Party”. The day I was having a week or so ago, as bad as it was, I still felt that overall my life was moving in the right direction and that I was making progress like the frog in the well. Life is sometimes about getting up, brushing our dirty knees off, and taking those small steps.

I’ve got a lot of good things happening in my life. I have a new job with good benefits, where I am treated with respect and valued, I have a new home and regained privacy, and I have my family and friends who love me and support and encourage me during hard times. The first time in over three years I had both of my daughters with me at the same time and we spent the entire last week of December exploring New York City together. Some people talk about family, biological and chosen, and too often there is the either/or and not both. Worse is that there are some people who have neither, but hold onto a façade.  I think how sad it is that a person has to create a false truth surrounding their family, biological or other. It is when I think of this that I feel so deeply and see so clearly how very much I have to be grateful for in my life right now. I hear my leather sister’s voice and it says, “You have to make space in your life for good to happen.” It’s not always easy, but I do it anyway. I’ve been taking steps forward. Continue reading


The last month or more I have been having steady Fridates with one of my leather sisters Stacey la Tejena. Fridays are for me what Saturdays are for most other people and Saturday mornings are my Sundays. Pretty much my social life is one day behind the norm. I haven’t been part of the majority in many areas of my life for years, so that I find myself one day behind the rest of the social world is not too bad hehe. One of the things I have enjoyed about being single in the city is that I have been able to cross a lot of my want to do things off my bucket list. I’m not a native New Yorker, so I find a lot of joy in catching some of the traditional touristy sites and adventures. I am kinky and so that sometimes includes things on my list that an everyday NY tourist might not have on the list, but generally kinky people are just like everyone else with some added twists.

Last week was Black Friday here in the US and I spent it in rather unconventional ways. I haven’t gone out on Black Friday in years, maybe, quite seriously, decades. I have an aversion to large, tight, aggressive crowds and there is no saving amount that can get me to intentionally put myself through that psychological discomfort to buy material items. Also I kind of have a thing against conforming to buying gift on preset commercially assigned dates of the calendar. I am not against buying gifts at all, I just do not feel I need to wait until an assigned giving date that society has predetermined for me. So, I was invited by Stacy girl to go out to Connecticut for the weekend to visit with her former Dom J. Stacy and I hopped on the Metro North line and for $5.50 found ourselves in Stamford, Ct and waiting at the station to be picked up by J. We were promptly collected at the station and whisked away to his new home that I must say he has done an outstanding job of organizing and even managed to not make it look too much like a man cave! Truly it is a very nice and comfy apartment. J made a day bed into a sofa and I was telling jade that it is awesome! It’s like a big play pen. Continue reading

Power Exchange Contests and Titles

A friend recently asked these questions of me and I thought they deserved a thoughtful reply. He was prompted to ask after I congratulated the recent Florida Power Exchange’s 2014 contest winners on their new title. The FPE is a feeder contest into the International Power Exchange contest held at Beyond Leather in south Florida. I am a past IPE title holder.

Karida –

I’m curious what your view is toward these power exchange competitions. Can anyone outside a relationship ever really know what goes on inside of it? What does it even mean to award a title to a relationship? To me, frankly, when I first heard of this competition, I could not understand it and still have trouble with the concept.

Just wondering, now that you’ve been through it all and held the title, what you think of this competition.

Dear friend,

I don’t believe anyone can really ever know what goes on inside a relationship other than the people inside the relationship. Continue reading

Falling Down Into The Rabbit Hole

I went into Build-A-Bear for the first time ever two days ago, on my birthday. There was a black bear at the entrance area and I started to cry. It was the bear I had always wished you would get me. The one you made me feel that I was never worthy enough to receive.

My little sister Jade stayed by my side and told me we would get sister bears and she quickly picked out a NYC bear. She told me this is the only place you can get one of these, they are unique to the NYC store. She repeated that we were going to get sister bears now and it was okay, she would stay with me as long as it took for me to find just the right bear. I promised to try to keep an open mind. I looked and looked and I couldn’t choose anything. My sister was patient, she said, “It’s okay, we will keep looking and you will know it’s the right one, when you feel that bond.” All around me were little uniforms, military, police, and hero outfits. This made me sad, but I tried to hide it. Time passed and I still could not commit, nothing felt right. I couldn’t bond to anything. Continue reading

A Girl with a Pearl Earring



My best friend, my little sister, my leather sister, is an owned slave and her name is jade. I helped my little sister celebrate her special day by doing something on her bucket list. I took her to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in Manhattan. I had told jade some time ago that the Met had special programs for people with disabilities, including one for visually impaired that included a touch tour. If you haven’t figured it out yet, jade is legally blind. She called and arranged a guided touch tour in advance. Jade was so excited to be able to touch the exhibit pieces and “see” them with her hands. She is the best friend I have had in decades, so for me to be able to take her to the museum, something that has been on her bucket list since arriving in New York, meant as much to me as it did to her.

When we go places I have grown somewhat accustomed to aiding her to see by giving visual descriptions. In my excitement to share the Met with her I wanted to describe everything to her. The guide gently asked me to let jade try to describe to us what she was seeing. I understood immediately. So, I took a step back, held jade’s walking stick and I shut up. I watched and listened. Seeing jade and listening to her experience the art filled me with emotion, I started to cry. I love her so much and it was joy that brought me tears. It’s amazing what we learn about ourselves and others if we stay silent.

My sister is a little girl and I am a girl. The fine differences between those two is a topic for another day, but briefly jade is younger in manner and as I hear it from a certain source, I am a teenager. So us girls finished our day visiting two gift shops in the museum. Once in the second and larger gift shop, I spend the first 5 in minutes repeatedly touching, picking up items, and proclaiming, “Oh this is so pretty!” After approximately the 25th item I realize and share with jade, that I apparently think everything is “so pretty!” this is what happens when you let two girls in a place with so many sparkly and shiny items. We have a nice laugh and continue to move through the shop until we enter the book section. Jade had already bought herself new black pearl earrings in the first gift shop, but now in the book section of the second large gift shop I see my birthday photo op! I shout for jade in all my excitement to “Come here! Come here! I found the perfect book! Here hold this… look to the right, head down, don’t smile too much!” I love that she indulges my quest for capturing Kodak and kinky Kodak type moments. I take the picture to commemorate the day. It just seems so perfect, a girl with a pearl earring. My day is complete and I feel very artsy 😀