Tag Archive | BDSM Education

WILL 2015: “A Happy Coincidence”

WILL banner

I recently ran for a Women’s Leather Contest and title and I want to record my experiences and thoughts. I want everyone to think about that simple sentence. How many of you are recording your experiences? It is upon each of us to do our due diligence and preserve our personal histories. I hope you will think about embarking on saving your mementos, images, and stories that have been part of your leather journey.

My running for this title was all a happy coincidence… I smile when I say that as I reflect on Ms. Diana telling me as I interviewed her,

“How I got involved in BDSM was all a happy coincidence.”

Sometimes, because I have held a title and now because I have run for second title, people ask me about what titles and contests are all about and how do they work? There are many ways to answer that. Each title has its own purpose and reason. Continue reading

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Reflections: A Year, A Month, & A Day

kaizen I’m at Fort Lauderdale airport in Florida and winding down from my first vacation in over three years. Over the weekend I have had time to relax and to reflect on the path I found myself traveling this past year. I’m goal oriented and over the years I have often looked at my life and made immediate, short term, and long term goals. You can write these things down or just think on them, but sometimes you can find yourself in places you never imagined and that goes for good and bad. The one thing you can count on as a constant is change. A year and a day ago I was someone fragile and struggling to find my way through darkness. I moved onto my own apartment in Brooklyn. It was a very hard time for me, but looking back and seeing my growth I am very proud of myself. Continue reading

Busy as a Bee

the_bee_and_the_flower_204010I’ve been busy and I’m happy to say it has not been all work. I’ve been busy in a good way going to a lot of fun places and events with new and old friends. I’ve been reconnecting with people. Or maybe it’s that I am finally connecting in a deeper and more sincere way to people who I was only able to be acquaintances with or friendly with in the past. I am filled up in the present and the past becomes more and more of just that – the past. It’s still an open wound, but each day it becomes more of a place through which light enters. My present is filled with a lot of goodness. For all this I am grateful. Continue reading

Nice Guys Finish First

In my past I have been drawn in to relationships mostly by persons who fall into the bad boy, rebel, adventurer personalities, and nice guys did not fare so well in gaining my attention as a romantic interest. I am sure many people can relate to hearing or saying the words. “I like you. You’re really nice…” and knowing that is the code for letting a person know they are friendship material. It’s kind of the kiss of death for romantic interests when a person hears that. The other week I said these words to someone, yet it was the first time I caught myself saying it and knowing that it did not mean that at all. For once I am looking for nice. Nice is under rated. I could really use someone nice in my life. I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I am doing something new. This time around nice guys finish first. Continue reading

Journaling

JournalingIt’s not uncommon in power or authority exchange relationships for the dominant person to require the submissive partner to keep a journal. There is no one way, standard, or set of rules for keeping a journal. The most common types I have heard of are the old fashion paper bound style and online style. Most commonly the dominant partner has access to reading the journal, but a rare few tell their charges that the journal is solely for them and that the dominant will not be reading it. Just as the style of journal keeping varies, so does the intent and purpose of its existence. Continue reading

Power Exchange Contests and Titles

A friend recently asked these questions of me and I thought they deserved a thoughtful reply. He was prompted to ask after I congratulated the recent Florida Power Exchange’s 2014 contest winners on their new title. The FPE is a feeder contest into the International Power Exchange contest held at Beyond Leather in south Florida. I am a past IPE title holder.

Karida –

I’m curious what your view is toward these power exchange competitions. Can anyone outside a relationship ever really know what goes on inside of it? What does it even mean to award a title to a relationship? To me, frankly, when I first heard of this competition, I could not understand it and still have trouble with the concept.

Just wondering, now that you’ve been through it all and held the title, what you think of this competition.

Dear friend,

I don’t believe anyone can really ever know what goes on inside a relationship other than the people inside the relationship. Continue reading

The Pencil

broken pencil

broken pencil

I was heading out to meet with an acquaintance, at Utopia Restaurant a few days ago and I wanted to bring a pen and paper to take notes. I found a notebook and tossed it in my bag, then began to search for my special LLC (Leather Leadership Conference) pen. My pen was not in the usual location and so I started searching throughout my bag to see if I could find something else to use in the meantime. I searched and searched and was rather put out that I didn’t have one other writing instrument in my bag. It’s really an uncommon event to happen. Persistently, I began to dig again and then I felt something. No, I felt some things. I stopped using my hand to look inside blindly and used my eyes to examine what I was touching. What I was holding was the broken pencil that Master Fire Ma’am had given to me at MsC (Master slave Conference). Thoughts of this pencil have been weaving in and out of my conscious stream ever since.

I got this pencil from Master Fire Ma’am at a class I attended about breaking down barriers & social constructs around the phrases “I’m sorry” “Please” and “Thank you.” When Master Fire handed me the pencil I was happy. I like pencils, and well, it was from her 🙂 I thought, “What an awesome class, we get presents.” 😀 Then Master Fire says, “In a moment I am going to ask each of you to break your pencils.” I’m sure that upon hearing this news, I gasped loudly. She stopped and noted the various reactions to her statement and then had us think about our reactions and asked why we did react the way we did. I like writing, so I have positive associations to this item and it has value to me. I am a bit old fashion and sometimes I miss the days of written letters, notes, and good penmanship.  It troubled me and upset me greatly the idea of breaking this pencil. It seemed like a wrong thing to do and made me feel sad. I didn’t want to do that! One by one we each had to break our pencils. She chose an emotion and when a person felt that they could demonstrate that emotion while breaking their pencil they had to stand up in the class and let the rest of the people see what that looks like. Master Fire then went on to ask us how we thought we could repair our broken pencil and that was followed by a talk about throwing it away. My response was to repair it by sharpening it, and Master Fire pointed out that in my solution I focused on sharpening only one half, and it was the half that had the eraser. Throwing it away was not something I felt comfortable with. As you have hopefully figured out there are a lot of ways that these exercises helped us to reflect about how we deal with relationships.

No longer broken

No longer broken

I was shocked to see that after all this time I was still walking around with my pencil. I wondered what it symbolized that I was still holding on to it and that it was not repaired? I write to Master Fire Ma’am and ask her if she had told us to throw away the pencil? I honestly couldn’t remember. I told MFM that I felt it was important to fix the pencil and that I had some plans outside the house that day and the first thing I meant to do was to stop and buy a pencil sharpener. I added that not only did I plan to sharpen the half with the eraser, but that I was also going to sharpen the other end that did not have an eraser. And that I felt that even though the other half was not as useful as the one with the eraser it still had value.

Master Fire Ma’am explained some things to me and ended her reply whimsically by saying,

“As for the other half of the pencil, perhaps it’s meant to be shared. We bet your bunny would love to chew on it. 😉 “

Ginger's chew toy :D

Ginger’s chew toy 😀