Tag Archive | blogging as service

The Frog in the Well

Frog in Dark WellI moved to the US when I was a small child, Spanish was my first language, and English was my second. A part of the English language I have never mastered is idioms, phrases, and expressions. A week before the New Year was coming about, I was having a helluva day and as tough as it was, what I thought was “Two steps forward, one step back.” I stopped and thought to myself, “Is that the right way to say it?” I believe the more common expression is, “One step forward, two steps back.” The former us dealing with the story of a frog trying to get out of a well and the later more well known as being used by Lenin in his work “The Crisis in Our Party”. The day I was having a week or so ago, as bad as it was, I still felt that overall my life was moving in the right direction and that I was making progress like the frog in the well. Life is sometimes about getting up, brushing our dirty knees off, and taking those small steps.

I’ve got a lot of good things happening in my life. I have a new job with good benefits, where I am treated with respect and valued, I have a new home and regained privacy, and I have my family and friends who love me and support and encourage me during hard times. The first time in over three years I had both of my daughters with me at the same time and we spent the entire last week of December exploring New York City together. Some people talk about family, biological and chosen, and too often there is the either/or and not both. Worse is that there are some people who have neither, but hold onto a façade.  I think how sad it is that a person has to create a false truth surrounding their family, biological or other. It is when I think of this that I feel so deeply and see so clearly how very much I have to be grateful for in my life right now. I hear my leather sister’s voice and it says, “You have to make space in your life for good to happen.” It’s not always easy, but I do it anyway. I’ve been taking steps forward. Continue reading



JournalingIt’s not uncommon in power or authority exchange relationships for the dominant person to require the submissive partner to keep a journal. There is no one way, standard, or set of rules for keeping a journal. The most common types I have heard of are the old fashion paper bound style and online style. Most commonly the dominant partner has access to reading the journal, but a rare few tell their charges that the journal is solely for them and that the dominant will not be reading it. Just as the style of journal keeping varies, so does the intent and purpose of its existence. Continue reading

Power Exchange Contests and Titles

A friend recently asked these questions of me and I thought they deserved a thoughtful reply. He was prompted to ask after I congratulated the recent Florida Power Exchange’s 2014 contest winners on their new title. The FPE is a feeder contest into the International Power Exchange contest held at Beyond Leather in south Florida. I am a past IPE title holder.

Karida –

I’m curious what your view is toward these power exchange competitions. Can anyone outside a relationship ever really know what goes on inside of it? What does it even mean to award a title to a relationship? To me, frankly, when I first heard of this competition, I could not understand it and still have trouble with the concept.

Just wondering, now that you’ve been through it all and held the title, what you think of this competition.

Dear friend,

I don’t believe anyone can really ever know what goes on inside a relationship other than the people inside the relationship. Continue reading

Take What You Need


As I walk the floors of the building where I work, I often stop and look at the items posted on the bulletin boards. There I find many pieces of paper filled with words and quotes to motivate, inspire, and heal.  There is one sheet that seems to get refreshed and reposted with some regularity. I enjoy stopping to look at the sheet that says, “Take What You Need” at the top and underneath are descriptive words on tabs that can be pulled off. As I walk the corridors I stop here and examine the words. Sometimes I take one, other times I take several. I hoard these words in my pockets, purses, carry bags, luggage.

These are some of my words: Forgiveness. Understanding. Kindness. Empathy. Love. Passion. Peace. Motivation.

I notice I have a lot of papers that say forgiveness. About a month ago my leather sister told me that forgiveness is something we give to help ourselves. I thanked her for giving me that message. I have heard it before, but sometimes it is hard to remember these things when we are caught in a whirlwind of hurt feelings. Since that time I have thought more about forgiveness and have focused more on forgiveness of self, not so much of others. I find forgiving myself is harder than to forgive others.

Love, Passion, and Motivation are newer words that I have found myself taking. I realize that as a single submissive girl I must somehow now find the motivation, on my own, to find joy in service again. This blog is part of my healing process and is addressing motivation. Although writing for me is cathartic, this space is also is a place that is a form of service. It gives me a way to share with others about BDSM, Leather, Pride, NYC LGBT and Leather history and thus serve a variety of communities. As for Love and Passion, it’s a good sign that I tore those words off and placed them in my pocket. I am not ready for love, but it is healthy to dream of it in my future.

The other day I was riding the D train home and I pulled out the words from my purse and held them in my hand. I looked through the little bundle, I took inventory, I stroked my finger across the letters, and I quietly let a few tears escape. It’s amazing these small pieces of paper, they help me heal. I have an attachment to words, I do love them, and so I will continue to take what I need and hoard these words in my pockets…