Tag Archive | Leather Daddy

A Handful

handful

It was disheartening hearing so many times that I’m too much of this, too  much of that; or not enough of this , not enough of that. Too opinionated, too independent, too much energy, too talkative, too assertive, too many ideas, too sexual etc. Not submissive enough, not obedient enough, not quiet enough, not respectful enough, and whole bunch of other not enough. I’m so grateful that is the past. Goodbye.

Today I have a Daddy who tells me while laughing and with a smile that I am a handful and that’s why she’s got two hands. She loves that I have a mind and use it. She welcomes my ideas and suggestions. She says I have ”a great memory… maybe too good” at times. I’m encouraged to share my wants and desires. And my Daddy loves to hold me, hold my hand, pet my hair, and show me affection. I know I’m a handful, but she never makes me feel like that’s a bad thing and for that I’m truly grateful. Some times Daddy gets tired and she needs rest. So, I tuck her in and take care of her. We take care of each other. I love her.

 

Show Yourself To Me

ShowYourselftoMeCover

Queer Kink Erotic author Xan West’s has invited me to join in on a month long virtual book tour. Before I get into my thoughts on this book a little about the author and the book:

A little about our author:

Xan West is the nom de plume of Corey Alexander, a recent transplant to Oakland from Brooklyn, who has been doing community kink education for over ten years. Xan has been published in over 35 erotica anthologies, including the Best S/M Erotica seriesthe Best Gay Erotica series, and the Best Lesbian Erotica series. Xan’s story “First Time Since,” won honorable mention for the 2008 National Leather Association John Preston Short Fiction Award. Xan’s work has been described by reviewers as “offering the erotica equivalent of happy ever after” and as “some of the best transgressive erotic fiction to come along in recent years.”

Xan refuses pronouns, twists barbed wire together with yearning, and tilts pain in many directions to catch the light. Xan adores vulnerable tops; strong, supportive bottoms; red meat; long winding conversations about power, privilege, and community; showtunes; and cool, dark, quiet rooms with comfortable beds. Find Xan’s thoughts about the praxis of sex, kink, queerness, power, and writing at xanwest.wordpress.com.

A little about the Book:

In Show Yourself to Me: Queer Kink Erotica, Xan West introduces us to pretty boys and nervous boys, vulnerable tops and dominant sadists, good girls and fierce girls and scared little girls, mean Daddies and loving Daddies and Daddies that are terrifying in delicious ways.

Submissive queers go to alleys to suck cock, get bent over the bathroom sink by a handsome stranger, choose to face their fears, have their Daddy orchestrate a gang bang in the park, and get their dream gender-play scene—tied to a sling in an accessible dungeon.

Dominants find hope and take risks, fall hard and push edges, get fucked and devour the fear and tears that their sadist hearts desire.

Within these 24 stories, you will meet queers who build community together, who are careful about how they play with power, who care deeply about consent. You will meet trans and genderqueer folks who are hot for each other, who mentor each other, who do the kind of gender play that is only possible with other trans and genderqueer folks.

This is Show Yourself to Me. Get ready for a very wild ride.

I like to read porn, smut, and erotica. Call it what you will, but I like things dark, dirty, taboo and Show Yourself To Me is filled with it all. There are some things that stood out to me instantaneously about this book in context to styling and wordsmithing. There is a layout here in content that I am familiar with that still somehow pleasantly and most unexpectedly managed to surprise me to find it in a book. What I refer to as wordsmithing starts on the cover with the title. From the cover to each of the following pages this book was constantly bringing forward unexpected feelings, emotions, and thoughts for me. This book, at the same time, is and isn’t made to make us feel comfortable.

The first thing I should notice is the cover and book title and I do, but it happens in more of a passing glance and it’s lost on me until later. I am too greedy wanting to dig into the meaty pieces inside and I missed something that would come to me later about this title. Instead of being the first thing I absorbed, the title is the last and final thoughts I have before I sit to write today. Since last night I have been pondering the words Show Yourself To Me. I have been thinking of how loaded these words are. What is it we do when we allow ourselves to be seen? There is so much risk and so much possibility of reward. We allow ourselves the possibility to be and to feel, vulnerability, fear, excitement, dread, pain, longing and more. What a litany of feelings and emotions we open ourselves up to. When I first read the title I assume the author is looking for us to open ourselves up and I believe Xan West does want us to do that, but even more I believe what is done here is we are being shown our author. There is a strong metallic taste pouring into these pages from tears. We are reminded life is not neat, things get messy, and Xan turns the wet messy and often ugly pain here into something beautiful. When you read through the stories in this book you get to see raw reconstruction of self, along with a proclivity for knives, tears, rough trade, and leather. This wasn’t the erotica I was expecting and I am glad. It’s the first time in years I have had erotica make me pause and think about what I show of myself to others.

What I noticed right away was the contents page and the warnings listings. Between each Story and its page is a detail of warning content. I read stories on alt.sex repository and I am accustomed to lingo for content warning in online porn, but for some reason I never expected it here. I feel compelled to talk about the warnings ad content listing. It’s so great and I wonder why it’s not more standard. Not only does it do the obvious of helping people divert themselves from stories that have content they need to turn away from, but it helps you steer to content that makes us hot! Seriously, at each of our Smut Club meeting here in NYC our little group always seems to have one or more women (it’s a women’s group) who will say they had to stop reading and couldn’t finish because of certain content they were triggered by. This book’s erotica touches on real and very sensitive areas of our lives and sexualities. Content information, so simple, but so brilliant. I’m excited to go talk about this book with my friends at our local Smut Club.

One last thing I wanted to comment on is something I read on Heather Elizabeth’s blog Kinkopedia. During her tour stop of this book wrote about a reaction she had to Xan West commenting that…

The secret truth of it is this: many of us that moved to the other side of the whip did it to approximate what we had longed for and rarely received… No one tells those stories.

I think of all the virtual book stops on the tour this one observation stopped me in my tracks, because its part of my story.  She is right that people probably don’t speak this type of truth often, but I believe people are hungry for this queer erotic and are ready to hear these stories.

Show Yourself To Me can be purchased at:

Go Deeper Press and Amazon

My Daddy Issues

It’s not uncommon to see discussions of adult women who engage in Daddy/girl relationships having “Daddy Issues” negatively affecting their dynamic. That the women bring in baggage. I think this absolutely can be true.

butchsightingsOne day I was sitting down, talking to a butch Daddy, about an online discussion on the topic of “Daddy Issues” among some women who participate in D/g relationship. I am sure some women and men for that matter, do have some “Daddy issues” that may adversely affect their relationships, but I am also sure many do not. I’ve never felt confused or unclear about my feelings for my father and the feelings and desire to seek D/lg as my relationship dynamic. I’ve always felt my desire for this dynamic has come from a healthy place. I believe it is heavily in part, due to this self-awareness and ability to explain why I chose this dynamic, that I earned my IPE title. And so this is how one night, Sir Raven found herself sitting quietly across from me and listened as I went on to talk about my Dad as I described him, my relationship with him, and about my family… Continue reading

Falling Down Into The Rabbit Hole

I went into Build-A-Bear for the first time ever two days ago, on my birthday. There was a black bear at the entrance area and I started to cry. It was the bear I had always wished you would get me. The one you made me feel that I was never worthy enough to receive.

My little sister Jade stayed by my side and told me we would get sister bears and she quickly picked out a NYC bear. She told me this is the only place you can get one of these, they are unique to the NYC store. She repeated that we were going to get sister bears now and it was okay, she would stay with me as long as it took for me to find just the right bear. I promised to try to keep an open mind. I looked and looked and I couldn’t choose anything. My sister was patient, she said, “It’s okay, we will keep looking and you will know it’s the right one, when you feel that bond.” All around me were little uniforms, military, police, and hero outfits. This made me sad, but I tried to hide it. Time passed and I still could not commit, nothing felt right. I couldn’t bond to anything. Continue reading

Two girls, One Leather Daddy

One of the missions of The Dark Lair is to give people of color a venue to gain experience presenting on BDSM topics. In that theme a couple of months ago the topic was, “You are the Presenter”. People were encouraged to come and give 10 minute demos on a topic of their choice. To support The Dark Lair, and to lead from example, I offered to do a 10 minute demo on Leather Care. I was inspired to alter a demo I have been working on called, “Lust, Love, Leather: Boots 101” and make it a brief demo touching on the idea of passing on boot blacking and leather care skills, how paying it forward keeps the leather spirit alive. Also, instead of doing the common scene that briefly demonstrated leather care on boots, I wanted to show leather care of a garment… chaps.

The inspiration for the variation of my leather care class came to me from an event that happened a few weeks prior when a friend asked me if I thought it was possible to teach her to care and condition her Daddy’s boots. I told her, that of course I can teach her and she was overjoyed. It turns out that a number of people that she had asked in the past had told her it was impossible for her to do boot blacking, because she is blind. I let her know that the Mid Atlantic Bootblack 2013, Amelia Chan, was blind.  So, when the opportunity arouse to practice a variation of my class, I went and recruited Sir Raven with her chaps and her girl Jade.  I got a chance to speak a little about being leather and what that meant to me. Paying forward what others have shared with me and keeping leather spirit alive. Then there was the spectacular hands on demonstration of Sir Raven, standing with her chaps on, flanked on both sides by girls who were ready to leather up, clean, and condition her leather chaps. It was a good time for all!

Sir Raven felt we had done a good job and said we girls would be rewarded with a trip to Alice’s Tea Cup. I am not so sure that we did such an excellent job on actually cleaning her chaps, but I suspect Sir Raven was just proud of us for being two girls who were willing to get up in front of a group of people and give back to our community.  So, today, two girls got a special treat from an awesome Daddy. Thank you Sir Raven for making me feel valued and special. I appreciate both of you and feel honored to call you friends.