Tag Archive | Relationships

Happiness is…

that moment you discover you are a priority in her life and not an option.hersnmine



It feels like I’ve been hiking my whole life, yet very little of that has happened in the tradition place most people imagine when they hear that word. Last weekend my girlfriend, my lover, my hot butch leather Daddy went hiking in the woods, the traditional way. And I was in the city lamenting that I was not able to take in the changing color of autumn leaves by her side. The following day I had an epiphany about hiking and stopped my lamentations and replaced it with gratitude.

broadwaycamelwebI have lived my life in the concrete jungles of the world. The modern cities of our world, sometimes grimy, unpleasant,  and challenging. There is a lot of hiking that happens in these cities and thankfully not all of it is tough and hard, but some of it is brilliant, vibrant, and inspiring. On Sunday Daddy and I were in the city exploring, on a mission to find body jewelry that met both our satisfaction.  Walking north on Broadway we came across an exhibit with displays spaced out over many blocks. I stop at the first one not knowing there would be more and like a tourist or an unabashed New Yorker I rush up and ask her to take a picture. As we kept moving up Broadway I would find a new figure, color, design, pattern to fall in love with more than the previous one. As we walk along I  say to my Daddy, “This is why I love this city. Every day is an opportunity for a new adventure.” I may miss the colors of the autumn leaves changing, but the city gave me her own vibrant, unique changing of colors as we hiked along her concrete paths.

This morning I am reminded of other hikes, the type most don’t think about and the kind most people usually don’t share stories about. The hikes where one must lift them self up, find the strength to move one step forward, face everything and rise. I think of times we cross paths with others  and then we show who we are… will you hoist another up? Will you share your water, give them your shoulder to lean on, or carry them the distance when they struggle?  These are the long hard hikes, where perseverance, determination, and loyalty are born. These are the hikes where character forms. Who are you and who will you become?

My Daddy Issues

It’s not uncommon to see discussions of adult women who engage in Daddy/girl relationships having “Daddy Issues” negatively affecting their dynamic. That the women bring in baggage. I think this absolutely can be true.

butchsightingsOne day I was sitting down, talking to a butch Daddy, about an online discussion on the topic of “Daddy Issues” among some women who participate in D/g relationship. I am sure some women and men for that matter, do have some “Daddy issues” that may adversely affect their relationships, but I am also sure many do not. I’ve never felt confused or unclear about my feelings for my father and the feelings and desire to seek D/lg as my relationship dynamic. I’ve always felt my desire for this dynamic has come from a healthy place. I believe it is heavily in part, due to this self-awareness and ability to explain why I chose this dynamic, that I earned my IPE title. And so this is how one night, Sir Raven found herself sitting quietly across from me and listened as I went on to talk about my Dad as I described him, my relationship with him, and about my family… Continue reading

The Power of Vulnerability

I watched this video a couple of years ago and it had a huge impact on me. I had an awakening. I thought, “Holy crap, that’s me…”  I remember in 2009 I decided to start writing a Credo.  When I look back at my Credo I see a lot of whole heartedness.  I live with an open heart and I believe my vulnerability is beautiful. It is so important to me, that even when I am hurt by those I gave my love to, that I refuse to stop risking. My ability to remain vulnerable is at the core of who I am and where my happiness, joy, and creativity flourishes from. I discovered this TED talk after I had begun to identify within the BDSM culture as a girl. I hope others, and specifically girls and their Daddies, find this video as interesting and valuable as I did.

Sacred Trust: The Responsibilities of Master and slave

…is the topic for this Sunday, August 3, 2014 MAsT (Masters And slaves Together) Metro NY meeting. The timing of the topic is perfect for me, because I am in the midst of looking at and defining what it is that I want from a relationship and Trust was number one on the list. I believe trust is a basic tenant of any healthy relationship. I feel that within power and authority based relationship that need for trust becomes intensified exponentially. As a girl, when I enter a hierarchical relationship, I am giving a person my trust and access what makes me most vulnerable. Opening oneself up, making oneself vulnerable, turning over your power to another, following obediently takes immense trust. A misuse of that trust has the potential to do great harm. Trust is sacred.

A quick disclaimer: I am not a slave. I do seek a hierarchical relationship, so since this are my thoughts about the topic tomorrow. I will use the M/s and O/p terminology for simplicity sake. I mention this, because there is an enormous difference between a slave and a girl within the BDSM culture. I do think a girl can fit into an M/s household if the Master finds purpose to have such a person belong. Okay, now some more thoughts on the topic… Continue reading

What Do You Want From Your Relationship? v. 1.1

On July 5, 2014, I wrote about my initial thoughts before our monthly MAsT Metro NY meeting on the topic of “What Do You Want from Your Relationship”, but until now I haven’t completed my follow up. I’ve decided to stop waiting for all my thoughts to be “perfect” and to dig into what are the most important things I need from a relationship and to write it down. I sat here about 10 minutes and told myself focus, stop being distracted by frivolous web pages, “put pen to paper” and instead of being overwhelmed by the list of wants and needs start with three and then work to say what it means to me. From my view, the following three things are a two way street in a relationship. I need trust, respect, and accountability.

1. Trust Trust is number one and it is a boundary that I cannot allow to go without consequences. It is a line in the sand. Upon entering a relationship trust needs to be discussed to the extent that remedies for forgiveness needs to be expressed and agreed to by all persons, the consequences of repeated broken trust need to be verbally expressed and consented by all persons, and there needs to be a plan and support system in case trust in broken. I will not express here specifics, but any person(s) I would seriously consider a hierarchical relationship will get transparency from me is order to create the best environment for all persons. I need to trust that the person I am with is truly going to be making decisions with my best interest not only “at heart”, but in “mind”. This needs to apply to the entire household if it is triad, family, or a pack. Trust needs to include being treated fairly and to be aware of the emotional, physical, and fiscal well-being of the household members.

2. Respect Common courtesy is what I express to people as a matter of good manners, but my respect is something that is earned. Respect is not a matter of a person’s titles, appointments within our “community”, or a resume. I need to feel respect for the person in charge of the household in order for me to freely turn my will over to them and feel surrender. How a person goes from receiving basic common courtesy from me and moves toward respect, is with actions. How a person conducts themselves through the span of a relationship, before, during, and after its end speaks volumes. As does being treated with value and importance. Do your actions match your words? Do mine? The answer needs to be definitively yes, and yes.

3. Accountability. An accountable person answers for and takes responsibility for their actions and the actions of the household members. The dominant should have a vision of how they wish to develop the property and a larger vision of the direction they wish to steer the household. A person who has chosen to be the authority and the leader, is expected to answer and be held responsible for the failures. If you want the power, you will be expected be accountable for caring for the property you have accepted in a household before, during, and yes also after, in the case the relationship ends. Does this mean the property is never accountable? No. The property should be expected to be held accountable to the Head of Household. Also, rule number one, Protect the Property is not only for the dominant, it is also the responsibility of the property to protect oneself.

As stated at the beginning, from my point of view, trust, respect, and accountability are two way streets. I have learned that it is necessary to set boundaries. For me these three topics are so important that they are deal breakers. I need to trust and be trusted, I need to be treated with respect and feel respect for the Head of Household, and I need to know the person has the strength to hold me accountable and to accept accountability for all persons in the household.

I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Rollerskates

One of my first memories as a child was roller skating down the hill of the street of my home in Venezuela. I did this with my oldest brother and my sister. It was such fun, such an adventure, that I never stopped roller skating.

When I arrived at my mother’s home this weekend and entered my bedroom one of the first things I see is my roller skates. I had thought to have them shipped to NY and go skate on the Brooklyn Promenade, but with my knee injury I figured it would be a waste of shipping fees. I was extremely happy though just to see my skates. Then I noticed there was only one boot. Where was the other boot? I ask my mother about it and she doesn’t know. Frankly, I am rather distressed. Skating brings good feelings, good memories, and I need to know where my other skate is. Then my mother tells she let Jose’s (our gardener from when we lived in Ft. Lauderdale) two little girls stay in my room this past summer… I calm down a little. I figure the girls were playing with my skates and they are someplace in the house. I am emotionally attached my skates. It doesn’t matter I haven’t worn them in 2 years. I’m a girl and these are my skates.

skatesAt 5am my mother enters my room and in her hand she is holding my lost and now found skate. She tells me she found it under a desk in the other bedroom. I look at my mother and tell her, “When you told me there were two little girls in my room I knew they had to have been playing with my skate.” She says she can’t understand what they were doing with it, since it is too big for them. I tell her, “Mommy (yes I call her mommy), look at it, it’s white and has pink wheels. What girl can possible resist playing with a roller skate that is white with pink wheels?!”

I don’t know if I will bring my skates with me to NY, but I am happy to hold them, to just have them on my feet. I wish I could skate. I am mad at my body for getting injured. I am sad that He didn’t take care of me the way I feel I deserved. I have personal responsibility in all this though. I believe in owning my part. So, now I know, that is it not only the place of the Owner to remember and follow Rule number one, Protect the Property. I too must follow rule #1 and protect the property.

Hi, my name is karida, and I’m a girl. I am open for adoption to a good Daddy. I’m smart, pretty, and I like to smile and laugh. I’m also kind of useful around the house. I like to be helpful and feel I have a lot I can contribute to a household. Plus, I come with a tiara and pretty white roller skates with pink wheels.